The Irony of Gun Control and Breed Specific Legislation...

I don't mean to get political but these are two of the few things I'm passionate about and when I see idiocy being consumed by the masses, I have to address it.

Have you guys ever thought about this shit? I mean seriously thought about it? With all this assault weapon horseshit going on by people who don't even understand how a gun works along with entire cities banning certain breeds of dogs because every member of that breed is inherently dangerous is again complete bullshit. However, aside from these two points of idiocy resides people who are for one and against the other, even though both parties are arguing the same exact counterpoints.

"Judge the deed, not the breed!"

"Don't punish all gun owners for the acts of one mentally disturbed human being!"

Before going further I should tell you that I am for neither of these. Gun control is pure idiocy and BSL is pure lunacy, period. Here's why:

People that make it their life's work to ban, in this instance "assault rifles" and all semi-automatic weapons as well as certain breeds of dogs, just don't understand the dynamic of the argument. If you're Dianne Feinstein than not only are you guilty of the above but you're also a hypocrite in the purest form. Here's a woman that has a concealed carry permit in California along with an armed entourage of bodyguards, whose telling people that nobody should be allowed to own firearms in America. Yeah, ok bitch. You also have these commentators who have written a book or two on random shit going on the air and saying that there is absolutely no reason an American should own an "assault" weapon. Are you wondering why I'm putting "assault" weapon in quotes yet? The reason is because they're not assault weapons at all. An actual assault weapon has a selector switch that allows a combination of these things: single fire, three round burst, or fully automatic. The guns that are attempting to be banned at the moment are semi-automatic which means one pull of the trigger, one bullet fired, period. These same people are also saying that handguns are not semi-automatic because again, they know jackshit about the information presented. Furthermore these guns aren't being outlawed for what they do, but instead for simply how they look. If you have a black rifle with a barrel shroud, a pistol grip, and a collapsible stock, you're a psychotic human being who bears no resemblance to your standard citizen. These guns are no more dangerous than your basic hunting rifle, and as a matter of fact I consider hunting rifles far more dangerous because the calibers of bullets they can fire go far beyond what your basic AR15 can fire down range. An AR fires a .223 caliber bullet, which has substantial muzzle velocity but compared to a .308 or a .444 Marlin round its only a few steps up from a 22 rifle, theoretically speaking.  However politicians don't need a degree in rocket science to write bills and vote on them, which is certainly evident at this point in time. I've yet to see one law-abiding gun owner ever go on a shooting spree killing tens of people at a school thus far. Not one. How are we allowing people that don't even understand the type of things they're banning to introduce such things to the house and the senate for voting? It's fucking amazing to me how stupid these people are and furthermore how uninformed the people are listening to the rhetoric that actually believe this stupid shit. All gun control achieves in doing is shifting the balance of power back to the criminals on the street instead of the law-abiding gun owner who will protect his family and his neighbors from the sociopath targeting them for termination. Also, which amendment in the bill of rights do you think is safeguarding all of the others? If your IQ is above 30, you probably guessed the second one, in which you'd be correct. What does a government have to fear in taking away the rest of your rights when the entire LAW-ABIDING populace has been disarmed? That's right, nothing. I would also like to point out a very wise Japanese admiral who stated this when asked if he should go ahead with the order to invade America during World War II:

"You cannot invade mainland America. There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass."Isoroku Yamamoto, Japanese Admiral

These crazy assholes look like they're ready to follow the law and disarm

So you can thank gun owners during World War 2 for stopping an actual invasion from a foreign military force next time you hear about gun control, and maybe point that out to the dipshit reporting the story. Use that lump of meat between your shoulders and try some critical thinking instead of swallowing what NBC, CNN, ABC, and MSNBC force feed down your throat on the daily. All crime in the United States has dropped by over 50% in the last 20 years folks, google it. Which brings me to my next point:

BREED SPECIFIC LEGISLATION

Whoever thought of this complete retardation, kill yourself. Here you have a group of people and politicians who have been brainwashed by an irresponsible media and blinded by personal agenda to advocate fear yet again. Whenever you hear about a dog attack, never fails, there's a picture of a pissed off pitbull along with a monologue of "fighting breed and vicious killer" to be consumed by the masses. What the fuck, really? I own a pitbull, well she's a shar pei/pitbull mix and this animal is by far the most loyal dog I've ever had the pleasure of living with. Their loyalty and compassion to us, the stupid humans that run this planet due to an opposable thumb and the ability to reason, stand by our side and would give their life for us in one instant should the need arise. This dog was used in the military and have proven to save many lives in both World Wars (Sgt Stubby was one) as well as being a daily part of the show "The Little Rascals," remember Petey? Yeah. So what the fuck happened here? You know what this dog's only crime is? It's loyalty and trustworthiness to idiotic human beings. It is because of that simple fact alone that it is the most abused and criticized animal on the planet because fucktards from your local ghetto and trailer park use them to fight simply because these lazy cocksuckers refuse to get a job and would rather do illegal shit and collect unemployment with your tax dollars. The advocates for this breed and others always say, "Judge the deed, not the breed!" or "This is the same as racism! Judging something/someone based solely on how it looks is what the civil rights movement fought against!" Exactly right. You know what types of dogs I'm afraid of? Chihuahuas. You know why? Because that dog is actually far more likely to bite me than any pitbull, rottweiler, german shepherd, doberman, great dane, and other medium to large breed dogs put on the "OMG fucking kill it!" list. Do you know what both these issues truly come down to? Fear and ignorance. Ever since the dawn of man, we've always tried to eradicate our fears by destroying whatever it is that scares us instead of trying to educate ourselves and understand it. I know we'd be far further down the evolutionary scale by now if this simple fact would just be acknowledged instead of ignored and legislating upon. If the media would get it's head out of it's ass and stop criminalizing these animals and their owners (same with those "assault" rifles up there) and actually report the fucking truth, imagine what the world would be like to live in each day. Anybody who watches network news and believes the shit they hear haven't been paying attention and seriously need to go elsewhere for their facts so that they can come to an educated conclusion of what's really transpired, but they don't.

 Fear the viciousness and ferocity of the below animal. Holy shit, OMG, and all that...

The Rub

The people within these two groups who are the advocates for them are fighting the exact same battle, yet often times dislike each other. The media as well as politicians use falsehoods and scare tactics to legislate the shit out of both issues. Both guns and BSL are deeply seated in both fear and ignorance of the facts. Guns are indeed dangerous if the person holding it is a criminal psychopath intent on destruction, rape, and murder. You better watch out for that guy. I own guns and they've yet to kill anyone, although just the presence of one stopped a home invasion at my apartment in 2011 as a guy who took apart my window was in the process of climbing in when I met him in the kitchen. Not a single shot fired, my personal possessions never touched, and the criminal ran off with into the night. This same thing happens over two million times in America each year, yet you don't hear about that because the media is biased in what they report, but I digress. The pitbull problem isn't a problem, it's a fail to hold accountable the facts in every situation. Have pitbulls attacked people? Absolutely. But so have labs, cockerspaniels, chihuahuas, chows, and every other breed in existence at one point or another. My aunts cockerspaniel attempted to pull my ear off with it's teeth when I was 8 years old, yet you don't see me saying, "Kill all cockerspaniels, they're vile and evil dogs!" So why do we only hear about the pitbulls? Simple, because that's what the media currently wants people to fear at the moment. In the 80's it was the dangerous German Shepherd. In the 90's it was the Doberman and the Rottweiler. Now it's the pitbull. This is all a grandiosity of misinformation running rampant in this country of sheep. If the people who took firm stances on these issues actually came together increasing their numbers by probably 3 to 4 times, imagine what you could hold the media responsible for. Imagine the legislation you can get rid of. Imagine how many people wouldn't freak out the next time you walked your dog down the street because they've been debriefed on the truth. Imagine not being criminalized as a nutjob simply because you own a rifle or two. Imagine people basing their judgment of you on your day to day actions and not what you choose to own or what your hobbies include. Imagine mankind elevating its intelligence, common sense, and critical thinking skills instead of basing his information on corporate owned media outlets. Imagine what future human achievements would reveal in a free thinking society where people were able to come to their own conclusions after actually reading multiple forms of the truth instead of relying on the fiction. Imagine what the future would be like for your children with just this simple tweak of life and society. Imagine.

-The DomMega

Gears of War 3 Sucks.....now

Cliffy B, this one's for you....

So I've been a fan of the Gears of War franchise now for quite some time, ever since the first title. A friend said to me, "It's a game that has a chainsaw on the end of your rifle that you can saw people in half with." I was sold without even having played it yet. I loved the first title, what a great introduction to what I thought would be a great third person shooter franchise. After finishing the campaign we all knew there was more story to come, and more story there was, across two more titles aptly named "Gears of War 2" and "Gears of War 3."

Gears of War 2 was a great campaign with several nice add-ons for weapons. Once we learned how to use the mortar correctly it became a nasty little weapon of come-uppance for your squad. I won't lie, being able to ride a godamn Brumak in the campaign at the finale was also pretty great. Blowing the shit out of the things upon a mighty beast outfitted with ridiculous weaponry is always what the doctor ordered. The maps were lush, the effects were nice, and the character development was outstanding, I even read the books! So why have I grown to hate Gears and Epic games? Let's continue.

Gears of War 3 was the final installment (albeit now Gears of War Judgment is on the way) and visually blew everything out of the water on the other titles, which is of course the natural progression of sequels. We were introduced to retro lancers, sawed-off shotguns, diggers, incendiary grenades, and the one-shot to name a few. Gamers always like new weapons and of course we got some. I remember pre-ordering the "Epic Edition" version of Gears 3, complete with Marcus statue, pendants, flags, and all sorts of other random shit that I really didn't need, but again, I was a major fan of the series. I have NEVER bought "super special L33t, uber fantastic dope ass, makes your cock bigger edition" anything for games. They're fucking video games, I just want to play them, but I went all out for this title. I pre-ordered with pride, because I thought there was no way Gears 3 was going to suck as much ass as the online experience in Gears 2 did, I was wrong.

The day came to play the beta and I was smitten. I LOVED how smooth the online experience was. The sawed-off was over powered to shit, sure, but playing on the dedicated servers that were setup and I'm assuming rented from Microsoft proved to be the final correction the series needed to finally be enjoyable online. The host advantage bullshit was no longer there and people were finally having a good time playing. If someone bodied you or put you down, it was typically well-deserved and there wasn't too much argument stating otherwise. The advantages others had ceased to exist and nobody was bridging for host like they were in the POS  Gears 2 experience. I was proud of Epic and had no problem finally paying more money for a super special edition version of a game I liked and was still a fan of. That was of course until Epic did away with the dedicated servers sometime after the downloadable content was released.

 Below is how beautiful and smooth this game USE to play online...

"Fucking godamn piece of shit stupid shithole game!!"

This is typically what I could be heard uttering these days when playing online. I can now shoot someone five times with a fucking gnasher and they don't even go down (I have a 20+ Meg connection). If I'm not glitching all over the screen, I'm being blasted away by the host in one shot...........again. Often times when playing with clan members and other friends, they can throw a frag and the godamn thing takes five seconds or more to explode, giving the other team plenty of time to avoid the shrapnel. This game has once again become a big, flaming piece of shit just like it's predecessor. I don't know what the fuck Epic's problem is, but I will NEVER buy another fucking Epic game as long as they're in business. They lied to all of their fans. They finally created something great (other than Gears 1) and then pulled the plug on it after the DLC was released. The back of your box says play on dedicated servers, and you fucked us! You fucked us again Epic. I truly hope that you get sued for false advertising. I certainly don't agree with some of the over powered weaponry like the godamn retro and the sawed-off but you know what? I could easily deal with that nonsense if there wasn't host advantage again or "user servers" as they're being called now. Cliff, what the fuck is wrong with you? Rod Fergusson, what the fuck is wrong with you?  This game must have brought you in millions of dollars if not a cool billion worldwide, and you decide to fuck over your fans after who spent all that money buying your godamn map packs, character add-ons, and extra campaigns?  Really? How in good conscience can you fucking do this to the people who buy your product?  I know you assholes spent a stupid amount of time developing this thing, and now it's just a raggedy piece of shit like many of your other titles. Well this it. I know that myself and many others whom I play with are no longer buying any more of the horseshit you release. Perhaps you should take a course on business ethics 101, which should clearly illustrate how NOT to fuck over your customer base. We're the reason you all have jobs right now.

I can understand products eventually deteriorating over time and needing replacement. I can understand occasionally getting a lemon from a reputable company and returning it for a new one. I can even understand completely recalling a product because it doesn't meet expectations or endangers the customer who bought it in some way. But there was essentially nothing wrong with this product until you fucktards  pulled the plug on your supposed masterpiece! I forgave the shortcomings that are minor irritants because the game itself played so beautifully online. I didn't mind getting stunned by godamn ink grenades or being far enough away from an exploding frag to not die yet dying anyway, or even being retro'd to death by two assholes at once. But the reason for my anger is not for any of that, it is aimed primarily at your deceit and going back on what you promised.

So again, fuck you Epic games. I hope somebody sues the ever living shit out of you. I hope you never again venture into the game market to sell us your shitty user experiences ever again. Why can I play something like the Halo franchise or even Call of Duty which I detest, yet still not have a fucking problem with multiplayer. Yet, I can pop in any of your games and they are riddled with lag, host advantage, and bullshit kills? How come these other games that are almost solely based for online multiplayer, are flawless, yet you fucktards, after three titles, still can't get the most basic principles of the user experience correct?  A decent fucking online experience devoid of bullshit. We just want to play Gears the way it was INTENDED! You can talk to me about latency and all that other bullshit, but the bottom line is, you dropped the ball. Other big franchises don't have this problem, but you certainly do. You made plenty of money on this game, yet you can't pay to have decent servers for your fans to play on? Did I hit the nail on the head or what?

So we're going to do it like this. Fuck Gears of War. Fuck Epic Games, and fuck everyone else in that building who ultimately came to this decision. I understand now why everyone hates you. People hated you when Gears 2 was released. I think one guy actually broke his game in half and sent it back to you, kudos to him. But I still gave you another chance because I ultimately saw what the game COULD be, and you stabbed us all in the back. So again, you'll never get one more red cent from me.

Someone file a class action lawsuit against these assholes. Send me the notice so I can opt-in!

 Some people already have the right idea, thanks Mike!

-The DomMega

San Francisco is a Shithole...

No really, it is. This is my second trip here for business at the Moscone center. I wasn’t really impressed with it the first time, but this time being up here solo I’ve had the opportunity to somewhat explore things a little more. Without any and all hesitation I can give this town the “DomMega Certified Shithole” key to the city. Let me get into this a bit further because it really is a smoke and mirrors tourist trap.

I’m staying at a hotel downtown near Geary Street, and it’s comical what goes on here as the sun dipsThis is how you should experience San Fran. In a picture. below the horizon and the night slowly awakens. San Francisco is a melting pot of transients, prostitutes (some of whom are pregnant), douchebags, dipshits, and self-righteous assholes who think they’re better than you because they live here. Haha, what? Also the sheer amount of dolts found here is astounding as well. I will say if you remove the people of this city and are just left with the actual city itself, it is absolutely beautiful. It is with 100% certainty that I say the people here are what really ruin the experience. Not that I was really trying to grasp onto an actual “experience” per se, I’m just here to work and go back home. You quite literally have to pay me to even come here.

As I sit in my hotel room right now I can audibly testify that there is a symphonic melody of random yelling, glass breaking every 5 minutes on the sidewalk, transients screaming some incoherent nonsense, and earlier I even saw police pull their firearms on a man’s dog. The man was being arrested for God knows what by 3 officers while his dog was still on its leash. I don’t think most perpetrators of crime would be taking their dog for a leisure walk at the time they’re actually planning on doing something illegal but that’s neither here nor there I guess. As the man was being tackled and wrestled with on the ground, the dog calmly sat down and was wondering why his master was being arrested. As backup arrived the police officers made it a point to pull their guns on the dog that was actually sitting there watching his master get beat the fuck up. I always find it funny how cops get the puckered asshole whenever they see a dog. It’s a dog, officer, what are you afraid of? You have a gun, a baton, and pepper spray, so fucking relax.  That dog has four legs and teeth which can be easily dispatched with any of the above 3 items. You are public figures, stop being such pussies.

The above made me hungry for some reason so I decided to walk to the corner and get some pizza real quick for dinner. I went to some random joint that served by the slice. After walking in I noticed that the pizza makers were Armenian (I’m gathering as much from their ‘I Love Armenia t-shirts they were wearing) and were kind of yelling at their customers as they served them, and I quote: “There is ten dollar minimum for credit card bro! You want to use card you have to buy more. If you can’t buy more get out of line!” What the fuck? When it was my turn to order I just grabbed my slices and left. Surprisingly the pizza was actually good, but it wasn’t good enough to talk shit to your customers at that level of intensity, if it all. You’re not the soup Nazi fellas. Your pizza was good but hardly good enough to rectify your douchebaggery and condescending behavior. You’re running a hole-in-the-wall fucking pizza shop, not the Waldorf Astoria.

Moving on, as the night progressed I heard screaming again outside my window (I’m currently on the 9^th floor) and as I gazed upon the grand comic fugue of idiocy down on the street, I began to just laugh. There he was, a homeless man swinging a baseball bat at passersby that had a catcher’s mitt or something attached to the end of it. As he swung at random people, other non-homeless people from the sidewalk began yelling at him. This didn’t deter him much because he brought his crazy party to them as well.  After a while he just lost interest and left, but yeah, seriously, a guy swinging a baseball bat at people for no reason and then just walked away. Not even a minute later, another bum hailed a cab and when the cab stopped he poured his soda on the roof and then threw the plastic bottle at the driver window.

Needless to say this intrigued me so I went downstairs to have a drink or three at the bar and then proceeded to the sidewalk in front of my hotel to do some people watching. I certainly wasn’t disappointed. Two gay men holding hands decided to walk across the street to the “Swig” club where it would appear people were standing in line to get in. One of them was severely inebriated while the other was holding him up. Instead of just yelling random shit like many other drunkards I’ve seen in the bowels of night, he decided to start cursing at everyone and spitting on them. His logic behind this I can only imagine was non-existent. He ended up spitting on some guy’s girlfriend’s dress and was met with a fist to the side of his head. After getting up and everyone else clapping for his assailant, these two gentleman got into a taxi and left.

So is this the town so reveled by the media and travel sites that I’ve been hearing so much about? I’ve been here not even 7 hours and this is what I have witnessed. Why is it so expensive to live here?  If anything you should get a discount for having to deal with the massive amounts of idiocy and I’m assuming felons on a day to day basis. The massive poverty here gets lost within the shade of the skyscrapers and panoramic bay areas. It’s everywhere, but you never see it advertised. It honestly reminds me of being in Tijuana, Mexico with my friends back when we were 18. Downtown “San Fran” is very reminiscent of Revolution in TJ except with a little less trash everywhere. This city is best visited from above, flown over, and left behind in the horizon. If they didn’t have a constant influx of conventions here, I doubt as many people would waste their time coming here unless they seriously had no clue as to how the city really is. Like with any large city you’re going to have your good areas and bad. However the bad areas in this city are just serious shitholes. I would take your standard ghetto area in Los Angeles over the ridiculousness that is this city. I can say that this place is nothing more than a left wing liberal stew of poverty and idiocy. If you want to come here merely to say you’ve been to San Fran (yes I’m calling it San Fran because the locals here hate it) then by all means do so. However I can tell you traveling all over this shithole for work, it’s not worth the price of your internet connection to make flight arrangements.

In actually reading more about the city I'm currently in I came upon a hilarious site called www.SanFransucks.com. I highly recommend you check it out for some more shocking but supposedly true stories about the goings on here.

Softball and the Fat Fucks Who Play It...

It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t a left you, with a dope beat to rep to. *Rubs the record in* Ok here we go…

First and foremost I apologize for my untimely hiatus. It certainly wasn’t intentional but many things get in the way of one of my favorite past times which is of course writing for all of you who take the time to read and enjoy the archaic symphony that is my life. This is an article about sports, softball to be exact (if you want to even call softball a sport). I think baseball is incredibly boring and fucking stupid so I don’t think you really need to know my sentiments on the game of softball except that it is played professionally by girls. This particular tale takes place in the summer of 2010 while I was working for a telecom company here in fabulous Las Vegas. Just as a sidenote, if you take the time to google the word “softball” and click on the image link you will get nothing but pictures of girls playing. This should have been a precursor for what I was to expect. Typical. Google knows everything. Too lazy to do it? Here ya go:

Who Softball is Really Meant For

I was approached by some of the older males at my office in regards to starting a company softball team. Me being me, I thought, “Great, a little something to do on a Friday after work with some of these co-workers of mine that would most likely involve beer and commenting on some of the women in the stands while maybe going to a bar afterward. Perfect!” But I’m a typical guy and I didn’t expect there to be a massive amount of “bitchassness” as I so often call it amongst other so-called men. But when you get a bunch of guys of a certain age together to partake in random shit like something as dumb as softball, things tend to transpire that aren’t of the highest accord. See the ugly chick behind him laughing? Yeah that's pretty much what happens.

I agreed to start playing with these douchebags, not yet knowing they were douchebags, as I try to keep as far away from douchebaggery as humanly possible. We started meeting up for practices and I started noticing little idiosyncrasies that should have been pre-warning  for the events to come. These guys were in their mid to late 40’s and often times boasted about the 20 years they’ve been playing softball, which of course was funny to me because they fucking sucked. They sucked so good that had they been fellating me I would’ve cum in 30 seconds, but that’s neither here nor there, yet. What I found to be truly incredulous was how the rest of us were all ridiculed for how bad we played. I remember batting at practice and making a double, which is pretty decent for someone who couldn’t care less about playing this stupid game, yet I was still told that I ran to slow and should’ve cleared those bases far quicker than I did. It was at this time I yelled in front of everyone at my aggressor stating, “If you just did what I did you fat son of a bitch you would’ve broke your hip! I walk with more style than you do, let alone getting base hits in this faggot ass game!” What’s important for the reader to understand here was that the guy whom I yelled at was my supervisor at work, kind of. That ceased being the case a few short weeks later, but I digress. Do you think Papa Dom gave a shit? No he did not. Once we leave the office and go anywhere you’re no longer my boss or superior in any way. That being the case, once we step on that field, I will talk shit to you in such a demeaning and below-the-belt fashion you will want to fight me in the parking lot. It was obvious that these morons didn’t know who the fuck they were talking to. I fold and cringe for no man, especially fat forty somethings playing a lame ass game because they were obviously failures in sports as children and want to attempt to relive these failures in a more successful way later on in life. Seriously, these fucking retards thought we were playing in the world series with bases loaded and I was next at bat.

It wasn’t long before the rest of the team got sick of listening to their bullshit as well. I think we all played a total of about five games and then things started slowing down significantly in regards to anybody showing up, I was the first no show. It was relayed to me at work that they had to forfeit the rest of the season because they had lost their entire team. I was seriously wasting my Friday nights when I could’ve been out chasing addictions of the flesh but instead was sitting around with a bunch of old fucks who have nothing else in their life but being the coaches of a shitty softball team. There was maybe two really decent people on this entire team and neither of them were it. This just goes to show that often times people who have nothing substantial in their life, try to make other people a part of their stupid factions and it blows up in their face. They lost their league deposit as well as their respect at work. I made sure to spread verbal poison about their hobby and how after two decades of bragging about playing softball they were still horrible at it. It is absolutely fine if you choose to play a sport simply for the love it whilst sucking the whole time, I understand the love of a game. However if you are going to brag about the length of time you’ve been doing, ridicule others at how they play when they haven’t played since junior high, and then playing absolutely horribly yourself, than it’s time for you to simply just shut the fuck up. One of these guys seriously asked me if I could hook him up with some chicks one weekend. I was like, “First off, why the fuck would I hang out with you on the weekend? Secondly, what makes you think I would throw some pussy your way for any reason whatsoever? If I go out on the weekend and hook up with someone, it’s because I put in work to do so. You sir, being a divorcee of two women already pretty much tells me that you suck as a person or you’re just stupid for getting married twice and failing both times, or all of the above. Either way, no.” The nerve of some people.  Even in the dugout I was talking shit:

“Hey Barry, you’re a shitty coach and you also suck at softball pretty bad.”

“Fuck you, this is MY team! I’m the coach, I run shit on this field!”

“This is all you have in your life huh? You go to work, you go home, watch some porn perhaps, some reruns of cheers and then go to bed. I’m surprised you haven’t killed yourself yet.”

“Fuck you.”

“You probably couldn’t even do that well.”

He got pretty furious with me, but that’s what happens when you throw down the gauntlet with someone who doesn’t take pussy games like softball seriously. Hockey? Sure. Football? Fuck yeah. Softball? Yeah, you can go eat a dick.

So the ultimate point of this tale is that if you wish to join an extra-curricular activity with co-workers whom you already spend 40 or more hours a week with, they better be some really cool motherfuckers and furthermore they better not expect much out of you if they’re not paying you for your attendance at such activities. In fact, I had to pay out of pocket to endure the above bullshit Friday evenings which is infuriating to think about when I think back on what I COULD’VE been doing instead. They even asked if I knew anyone else who would like to play. I’m glad those that I asked didn’t take me up on the offer because they would have just kicked the shit out of these fellas without any hesitation. I’m far nicer than many of my cohorts believe it or not.

So if you play softball and play it as a serious pastime, I urge you to reevaluate your pastimes as a whole. When guys like me walk through the park with my Shar Pei/Pitbull mix and see a bunch of fat fucks on the softball field yelling things at each other and taking such a stupid fucking game so seriously, we’re laughing at you. Seriously. WE ARE FUCKING LAUGHING AT YOUR FAILURE AS A MAN! You are a joke. One extremely long gag reel for passersby and people asked to sit and watch your stupid ass in the bleachers. Go play a real fucking game. You want to run with the dogs or chill on the porch? If you like softball, why don’t you go join a dance school and become a ballerina in your spare time as well? Maybe you can take up tap dancing and pretend your tapping some ass instead of your shiny little  wing tip shoes, because with guys like this, that’s about as close as they’re ever going to get to tapping anything.

I am an asshole and I approve this article.

Sometimes I don't even have to talk shit...

Yup, seriously. It's hilarious to me how all these MTV Jersey Shore bitches find out how just unimportant and untalented they are as soon as they do something outside of the retardation that is MTV. Watching "The Bitch-u-ation" completely bomb here is nothing more than absolute proof of that. I think little by little these Jersey fuckwits are slowly starting to comprehend that the rest of the world seriously thinks they're retarded, except some of the few idiots in Jersey. I hope you enjoy watching this as much as I did the first time.

This is so fucking horrible that I can't even bring myself to watch it anymore. It's not often you can see another human being just suck this bad at something, but what's funny is how he thinks he's doing well. When the master of ceremonies has to get on the podium with you to "assist" with your funny, you suck. You better just get back to the shore with the rest of your godamned retarded friends and fat, talentless whores and pretend like you're all still awesome somewhere.

That is all.

Coming up next I'll discuss the social faux paus of fat guys playing fucking softball in a local park near you but actually taking it seriously.