It isn't often at all that I ever review anything substantial in the genre of music. In fact I have never done it before at any time during my tenure as a writer. I never truly come across anything that really makes me want to sit down and really get behind someone else's talent. Again, it just NEVER happens. However something has recently crossed my path and I honestly feel its just very worthy of honorable mention by me, which is very significant if I'm taking the time to write about it.Left to right: Louie Can't Lose, Danny Darko, and Nick Natural (with headphones)
Over the years I have gotten to know some very talented individuals hailing from southside Chicago. Of which, I consider the actual DJ a very close friend of mine who goes by the name of Nick Natural. He recently jumped on the decks and helped produce a mixtape involving the lyricists Danny Darko and Louie Can't Lose. Upon first hearing about it's existence I figured it was going to be good, however I didn't calculate how exceptional it truly was. After listening to it I realized that it was honestly something I would pick up at Best Buy, Sam Goody, or Itunes. You can immediately tell how much time and effort was put into this project to make the authors stand out amongst the rest of the underground hip hop scene.
Why is Dom endorsing this thing?
The reason I'm endorsing this project is because lets face it, Nas was on to something when he said “Hip Hop is dead.” It really is. The majority of everything I hear nowadays, save for a few artists here and there is all shit. The vast majority of people are just using garbage samples that have been done over and over and over, but think because they're the ones rapping over it that it somehow brings new life to an otherwise used up garbage track. Their music is an auditory abortion to the ears. This is really why I just don't endorse anybody's music, it all sounds the same! What people really need to do is step away from the painting for a minute and really take in the big picture and get back to the drawing board, and thats what these gentleman have done.
This sample of hip hop has brought back the old school analog sound which made all of us love rap during it's initial inception back in the late 70's and early 80's. They realized that this new stuff that is constantly coming out is just sounding like a carbon copy of everything and everyone else. So they went ahead and jumped back to a far more genuine and simpler time in the rap game and really laced some outstanding tracks for public consumption. These were doctored on the decks with 100% vinyl, bringing back that edgy, nostalgic tone that many have forgotten ever existed.
The lyrics immediately reminded me of a mix between B-Real from Cypress Hill and the group everyone loves, the timeless Beastie Boys. However neither style was fully engaged and Danny Darko and Louie really brought their own flare to their verbal attack. You can immediately distinguish that these individuals have a real love for what they do and they don't half step when it comes to the creation process. They still look at music production as an art form and not a manufactured, played out hustle inevitably leading to becoming a one hit wonder. I am very certain that if these boys are able to penetrate the hip hop industry they're going to turn a lot of heads and with that help bring new life to an industry and genre of music that has been dead for years. I wish them the absolute best of luck and hope that these tracks make it to the right people who can see the creativity, time, and talent that went into producing all of it. For anyone who has been reading my articles and such the past 5 years or so, you're fully aware that I call a spade a spade and will shit all over something if I think it's garbage. When have I ever written something like this before? Never. I can tell you with all certainty that this will be the one and only music write up I ever do. If I am endorsing this project and have taken the time to actually write about it, you better step up and take a listen.
I wrote this back in 2007 but it still bares repeating. Enjoy.
I was in Vegas last week staying with a friend and going on job interviews. My friend Jenna whom I was staying with was rarely home due to her job and I was forced to partake in the process of entertaining myself. I'm a hard person to entertain, even when I'm doing the entertaining, but sometimes comedy falls in your lap and you have your cake and it eat too I suppose.
I decided to head to a place called Buffalo Wild Wings on Eastern because its fucking awesome. My boy Phil took me to the one in Arizona and I fell in love with it. So it was like one in the morning and I had a craving for chicken wings, as most men probably have at some point in their life. I roll in solo, sit down, and order myself a Sam Adam's Winter Lager..........because it's winter.
As I'm sitting there perusing the menu, I notice a girl at the bar getting hit on by 3 males. I could tell by their demeanor and the way they were talking they were pretty much your average frustrated chumps in the realm of women. I laughed to myself as I always do and went about ordering some Caribbean Jerk and Spicy Garlic chicken wings.......because again they're awesome.
5 minutes later as I'm watching the UFC fight on TV, the same girl in question approaches my table. Words were spoken...
Girl: "Hey handsome, wanna buy me a drink?"
Dom: (I openly laugh in her face) "Hey sugar, wanna paint the side of my house?"
Girl: *Blank Stare*
Dom: "Oh, I see, you're confused. Allow me to explain. You see, you approached my table, and instead of saying 'hello' or 'hi my name is so and so' you just asked if I would buy you a drink. That being the case I decided to counter your request with an equally absurd request myself so that you could come to some sort of understanding as to what was coming out of your mouth."
Girl: "I wasn't being mean."
Dom: "No darling, you certainly were not, but you were however, being absurd."
Girl: "Well most guys don't mind."
Dom: "Yes, and see now you're insulting me further by grouping me into the category of 'most guys.' I don't even know you. For all I know you could end up being a mean person, or a man-hater, or an angry, bitter woman whom I'd rather not associate with. And instead of trying to put me at ease you've come over asking for free handouts and I highly doubt, that in the grand scheme of things, that the return on my investment, i.e. you, would be substantial enough to warrant it."
Girl: *Blank stare*
Dom: "It's ok hun, you can go sit back down now. You would have totally had this one though if you had offered to by me a drink first like many other awesome women I've met in the past, and I would have certainly returned the favor shortly thereafter. Remember, I didn't approach you, you approached me, its proper bar etiquette."
Girl: "Ummm, ok."
Dom: "Sweet! Chickens here!" *Lindsay my hot waitress places the wonderful chicken wings on my table and I turned my back on the above girl*
I don't think she's going to recover from that anytime soon. But lets go ahead and look at this situation again for some of you reading. There ARE guys out there that aren't going to buy you a drink just because you're pretty, cute, or drop dead gorgeous. Furthermore, if I don't approach you first, don't assume I'm interested, let alone that I would buy you something as miniscule as a drink. I mean, its almost rude. I felt like I was at a strip club and some stripper was trying to get free red bulls out of me or something, whereas of course I tell them no but at least I'm at a strip club and its to be expected.
I'm glad that you girls go to the gym, get your booby implants, work out your ass and look great for me when you go out, really I am. But again, that doesn't necessarily entitle you to anything because regardless of how gorgeous you may be, you're not going to be my girlfriend anyway. I'll be friends with you, I'll make out with you, in time I'll even take you out to dinner or something after we've consummated our "friendship", but please, PLEASE don't assume anything beforehand. Understand, I'm emotionally unavailable and I make each and every girl whom I go out with aware of this, its not a hidden personality trait. I never lie to girls, I have no reason to.
Note: Just because you may look like this, doesn't mean I'm going to introduce you to my friends Mr. Jackson, Mr. Grant, or Mr. Benjamin. If you're looking for a handout try sugardaddy.com or something. <3
Ultimately all I truly ask is for you to have some proper bar/lounge etiquette, and lets be honest, how cliche is me asking you if I could buy you a drink? That would never happen to begin with. If I think you're awesome and that our conversation is actually leading up to something substantial, sure I'll spring for a round, but understand I'm getting drunk myself and my intoxication takes presidence over yours. I'm also an avid investor in stocks, options, mutual funds, ETF's, REIT's, and other shit you're probably not familiar with. So understand, I'm very good with money. I know where its going, what its doing, and what its going to get me in return. I'm aware of the risks involved and the damage control I need to put in place beforehand. I'm not stingy at all, its only money, but I do command a modicum of respect and further ask that you don't assume I'm an ATM machine like many of the other guys you consort with. Truly, you haven't the slightest idea of who The DomMega is if you partake in this type of activity.
Oh yeah, you know what I'm talking about. When you just get a new kick ass stereo put in your ride and then you see that raised Ford F-350 pull up with six 15" subs in the back and it actually reminds you of the Northridge Earthquake from 1994. It's usually a pristine, absolutely flawless piece of machinery, freshly detailed without one noticeable imperfection on it. There's also no shortage of these vehicles without this window sticker proudly displayed on the center of the rear cab window.
Ironically, I can guarantee that this vehicle has not seen one day of off-roading or even mud from the rain in most cases. Yeah, exactly. In this instance, you were cool bumping your totally awesome Anthrax album, but you weren't quite "Valencia" cool. Lets dig deeper into this social phenomenon.
Valencia, California (for those of you wondering wtf I'm talking about) is unlike many other cities you may have heard of but like many others you have and probably seen on TV. (Especially if you like that abortion of a television program called "The Hills.") It's a small town, sure, but not a humbled one. It's a town where general parenting has snubbed its nose at actually teaching children life lessons but instead relies on television and gifts of material goodness to show their offspring the proper way to show what really matters in life. A place where a sweet 16 party is often times a $50-100k party for her and her friends, if not more. Valencia is a place where the youth has such a dependency on their parental unit's pocketbook and constant spoiling, that they actually don't end up out of diapers until about the age of 20 or so, in which case they're usually on their way to getting married as soon as they actually do come off.
This is a town where you find many of the males wearing kick ass "Tap-Out" clothing shirts or Abercrombie & Fitch and often spend about 6 days a week in the gym. I like to call them "dude-bro's."
Here's another picture of a dude-bro in case you missed the first...
However you'd laugh if you actually saw them attempt to entertain the idea of an actual fist fight. It usually consists of them pulling up in front of T.G.I. Fridays in their super huge luxury SUV with "their boys" and start talking super duper loud. So loud in fact that they purposely rally up the attention of the crack security team at the Valencia Town Center to help come separate these vicious youths ready to kill each other with words. To some of you reading this right now, you may have been in ACTUAL fights, which is cool.......but again, its not "Valencia" cool.
Furthermore as you progress through the winding canyons and sun washed avenues of beautiful Valencia, California home to Six Flags Magic Mountain, you'll also find a vast wonderland of other things here as well. I have yet to see so many freestyle rappers anywhere in the world, as I have seen in Valencia. I once went to a show at some amphitheater on Lyons Avenue (yeah you locals know what I'm talking about, yeah that place right behind Del Taco attached to the bowling alley) and saw a bunch of kids getting physical with one another over freestyle rhymes on stage yo! It was like Eminem as Rabbit, having to battle his opponent while simultaneously overcoming urban teen angst in the crowd. As I stood in the center of what was transpiring here, I began to look around at the hundreds of fucktards gathered around me who are obviously the "Valencia Underground Hip Hop scene" and began getting embarrassed that some douchebag might see me a week later and bring up this stupid thing that I only went to because I was drunk and it was free. Needless to say, I left 2 hours before it's conclusion. This was a night where I thought I was doing something cool, but as it unfortunately turned out, I was doing something "Valencia Cool." (I had originally thought it was in Van Nuys somewhere. The valley's 818 is often overlooked for quite the awesome event.)
The ladies are always visually stunning, for that is the precipice of their existence and livelihood. As far as I know at least one Playmate has come out of Valencia, California by the name of Tamara Witmer, albeit I believe there to be more. Here she is, hi Tamara:
It's pretty kick ass but this is generally what the female population consists of. As a guy, you honestly don't get bored of going out to the same stupid places to see it. Well, no, actually you do but still! I've met some of the dumbest girls ever in Valencia. You know what I'm talking about, the girls that should be modeling in plus size magazines but are wearing playboy bunny shirts and actually acting conceded! This is usually due to their friends being hotter and telling them they're hot so that they continue hanging out with the group. Of course the group purposely does this to look better to potential suitors of the night. (Girls are often times quite mean and shallow with one another.) It's great though, everyone should experience it. I've actually been walking on the side walk and have heard mothers reiterate to their daughters, "All you have to do honey is stay pretty and everything else will fall into place for you." Very few are actually doing anything substantial except having daddy pay their credit card bill every month, but they will look down on you as a man because you actually work and are trying to attain success. These girls are often times upset that they get taken advantage of. But on the other hand, if they weren't so shallow and stupid, they might have been able to develop a bullshit detector like the rest of us. It's probably better if as a male, you're just as dumb as they are. Otherwise you'll only be cool, but hardly, hardly "Valencia Cool."
Family Guy did an expose on Valencia girls, this is how it went. These girls got "Valencia Cool" written all over them. (and maybe a little "Vegas cool" too)
But those are only the young dumb ones, let me now get into the actual wives from the V-town. Many of these little darlings are married to movers and shakers. These women married into Hollywood "Power" families or hedgefund managers, or brain surgeons or plastic surgeons (very common) or CEO's. All those "Desperate Housewives" stereotypes certainly apply here. But many of these men are so often times gone away on business that its only a matter of time before their wives' girly friends start bringing them out to all the local bars to score some young zipper meat for the weekend. Where are these places? BJ's, Fridays (of course), Mabel's Roadhouse (prime Cougar hunting here, ha), that Brazilian place next to BJ's, The Greens (the infamous greens), Origami, Salt Creek Grille, and even sometimes on rare occasion, good old Club Ted's. Oh yes, I've found that this generally happens every year, right after summer time and just before winter as well. I have a wide assortment of friends and associates who will back up what I'm saying in this instance. Then, these women actually spit some game to you for a pleasant change, (and 99% of the time they're super hot with all the upgrades) ask what your plans are later, and without a moment of hesitation, will take you home while their husband is filming "7 Years in Tibet" somewhere overseas for 6 months. Of course that information is disclosed AFTER anything has happened (not that most guys would care anyway). However, if you say no to these women, you're only just cool and a long way from being "Valencia Cool." (I will admit I was "Valencia Cool" once or twice in these situations, alcohol is also my mistress.)
Then there's the car shows. Yes, yes the beautiful car shows on Friday night. You'll see them while driving down Soledad to go do something lame that evening and you'll see all the "Valencia Cool" Valencia kids driving their brand new Mercedes S500's and BMW 760's and they're only 16 or 17. When they turn drinking age, daddy ends up fronting the cash for a nice SUV that does everything except fellate you while driving. Although I'm sure in the future they'll find a work around for that. It was actually quite humorous while I was still in high school out there I was taking a Regional Occupation class at Valencia High School and while driving through the student parking lot what did I see? Mercedes, BMW, Audi, Lotus, Aston Martin, Cadillac, Porsche, and all sorts of other cars you really shouldn't let your spoiled 16 year old drive everyday. Then what happens is, you see these kids automatically believing they're race car drivers like "Ricky Bobby" in "Taladega Nights" and then they wrap it around a pole a few weeks after getting it. Afterwards they will still whole heartedly believe that they piss excellence too. Now if you only had something "practical" in high school like a Ford Escort, Chevy Pickup or a Volkswagen Passat you're only just cool. If you were driving something that was a minimum of $50,000 at the age of 16, then you were obviously "Valencia Cool."
In summation, as you no doubt have guessed by this point, "Valencia Cool" isn't definitive of being cool at all. Although if your head is undeniably located up your rectum you may find these types of people enlightening, even enjoyable, but that would only be naive thought process. The reality being taught to the offspring here is based on fantasy and illusion. Which of course is putting the kids at a disadvantage, for when they enter the real world they'll have absolutely no idea how to take care of themselves by any stretch of the imagination. Doing something like paying a bill will be a foreign concept, not to mention changing a tire or using the yellow pages. Be that as it may, ignorance is usually always bliss as long as truth and reality never come into play. It must be nice to never have to leave fantasy land. (People have said this about me since I now live in Las Vegas) I myself however, do actually prefer reality over "Valencia cool" any day.
I introduce to all of you, the fabled..............."Dude-Bro."
It would be wise of me to preface to the reader that at the time this happened I was wearing my "Thank your girlfriend for me" tshirt as I was making a few rounds about town on New Years. The following story is an exact account of what transpired around 1:43am on New Years morning, just a few hours before actually writing this, and it will be short. It was far too comical not to blog though so here it is.
I had originally made a few stops here and there as well as went down to the strip for a bit with an associate to see Benny Keneival (sp?) jump over some shit as well as check out some Cris Angel magic time. I would estimate that about 15 minutes after New Years morning I decided to leave and get off the strip to beat the traffic and mobs of people.
I wanted to head to Vox to check in with someone I know there about a possible evening bartending position as well as say hello to the guy on New Years as we tend to have good rapport and I figured it to be a decent exchange of pleasantries to start the year off right.
I pulled up in the parking lot and noticed that there was an $80 entrance fee and I wasn't paying that just to go say hello to a business contact of mine so I proceeded to walk back to my car to go purchase some alcohol to take back to my base of operations. I was walking by an SUV with a dude-bro sitting in the passenger seat and his girlfriend driving. Words........were.......spoken.
Dude-bro: "Hey bro, I don't think your shirts funny. I don't get it."
*I take one look at this douchebag and know that the reason for his soul's existence is to look tough in front of his girlfriend. So I decide to tempt the hands of fate*
Dom: "I'm sorry to hear that. You know I was in a liquor store just 15 minutes ago and saw that a child at about the age of 10 laugh after reading it and then proceed to show his mother who also laughed as well as comment about it being funny. I can't say that I know where exactly that puts YOU on the evolutionary scale, but I would estimate you may be the ape in the middle who's still dragging his knuckles on the ground. Blame Darwin."
Dude-bro: .................."did you just make fun of me bro?"
Dom: "I don't know. Think about it. Did I?" (I give him a puzzled look and I start thinking 'Am I in Valencia?')
Dude-bro: *seriously takes a second to think about what had just transpired and mentally go over the conversation in his head* "HEY! I think you just made fun of me!"
Dom: "Are you sure?" *I actually see his girlfriend try to hide her laughter at this point*
Dude-bro: ..........................................."Yeah, I know you were! I should kick your ass!"
Dom: "I'm right here sugar, lets get 2009 started off right!" (I'm older now but I'll still fight the good fight against those who at one time rode the short bus.)
......at this point his girlfriend begins to hold him back and tells him to get in the car and then this gem shot forth from his dude-bro mouth and I swore to God that I was back in Santa Clarita.
Dude-bro: "You're lucky my girl's holding me back bro!"
Dom: (I openly laugh in his face) "Yes, thank God she was here to protect and sustain my life. Is that a tap-out shirt or is that stars and straps? Are you a trained cage fighter?"
Dude-bro: "I'll fucking kill you bro!"
Dom: "With your iron fists of fury and supreme intellect no doubt."
*He gets in and they both drive away. He flips me off to show me he's tough, so I moon him.*
In closing, if you ever are confused as to whether or not you're talking to a dude-bro, all you have to know is that they end each sentence with "bro." They use it kind of how smurfs use the word "smurf" in sentences, except of course that smurfs are far more creative with their verbage.
Happy New Year everyone. Apparently, I still got it.
As I'm quite so often bored at work just browsing the millions of people here, I often find blogs and surveys within you ladies' pages about the perfect such and such. Aside from being merely copied and pasted as well as having absolutely no creativity whatsoever, I still find even more faults with it. What I'm going to be commenting about today is your very own utopian ideals of "The Perfect Guy." I'm also going to completely expose how such a thing comes to be and how very little magic is actually involved in the process itself. If you don't wish to become demistified of this whole phenomena, I don't suggest reading any further. For those of you willing to take the plunge into actual reality and enlightenment, I encourage you to continue.
You see we as men are human. Like all species incapable of perfection as well as a multitude of other things. Another word like monogamy comes to mind, but there's been a select few of us able to pull off such things as the latter. Good for them. But I think there's some major vagueries of perception going on here and I feel it my duty as usual to point them out to you. If I don't do it, who else will? Probably someone who doesn't have even the slightest grasp of the english language to be sure, and where will that get you? Nowhere, so lets continue.
We as men are not a package deal. We're usually one of two things in MOST cases. The nice guy, or the asshole. There's a few subtle categories in between but these are definitely the most common, so these will be the two I compare and contrast. Contrary to popular belief, the nice guy is far from being perfect. He has so many of his own insecurites and needs to constantly validate his existence by always spoiling a member of the fairer sex, that this person's a headcase. Definitely more trouble than he's worth in most cases. In many ways, its like dating another female by the mere emotional displays and outbursts these nice guys tend to have. Its like they've got a great big hole right through the center of them and they can never buy enough, love enough, or ever receive enough attention from a woman to fill it. When all is said and done it pretty much comes down to mental weakness and lack of personality. These are the same guys who fear what a bunch of people in a room that they don't even know, think about them. I'm not hating, only being real.
The asshole is seductive in and of himself as well as in his own right. Even so, still far from perfect. Assholes usually have one single solitary goal, ass beckons and they oblige. They've become adapted for the hunt and attack their prey with absolute precision, but even so have their own inconsistencies. Because this genre of male is never truly happy with just one woman, you as the woman will never truly be happy with him. But I'm willing to bet money that you'll constantly find yourself going back to him because he's illicited what you deem to be perfection in your mind. He just poeticizes it in your own slightly warped reality. Funny isn't it? So I guess it could be said that perfection as well as beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Men of this sort really bring absolutely nothing to the table. There's very little emotion, caring, or all out attention in general given to the lady. Thats not what they exceed in doing. What they exceed in doing is making you work to get into their good graces and gain their affections. This is no easy task and will probably take you many months and sometimes years to accomplish. And here's the humdinger, they'll probably never be happy with JUST you. Hehe, seriously, thats some shit isn't it? Bringing me of course to my final points.....
When is it that this perfection materializes in our own realities? Now keep in mind I said "realities" not fantasy or subconcious planes of an altered dream state. I'm sure we can all dream away for days at a time thinking about someone we believe to be our perfect match. In that realm, often who we see ourselves with, we also see ourselves leaving in real life if such a union were to take place. We like to think in dreams and other subconcious roles we can overlook certain attributes of the opposite sex that we find unattractive, annoying, and downright embarassing. This only works for so long during the initial dating timespan before we just end whatever relations we have with this person. Sometimes the aspects are more physical but the bottom line is, if there's something we don't like right off the bat, we'll usually end things right then and there.
Now, I'm going to tell you when the only time perfection will ever exist for you, seriously. This so-called "perfection" you women speak so fondly of will only happen when you actually succumb and surrender yourself to someone, both mentally and physically. Once you're in this heightened state of whats often referred to as "being in-love" will be when perfection materializes itself to you. When you become so in thralled with the person you're with and are actually in-love with them (which borders on actual insanity) only then will you see flawlessness in your partner. Why do you think the sex is so good when you reach this point? Uncomparable to anyone else prior, right? Exactly and now the things that use to bother you before will no longer matter. His bad habits, immaturity, stupid jokes, and insecurities will be of no consequence. You've just alleviated all his faults and weaknesses within your own mind. You're in such a deep emotional congruency with one another you both overlook all the serious abnormalities of the other and find yourselves in perfect harmony with your partner. I give you ladies and gentleman.........love. Or in this case, perfection and "The Perfect Guy." This is what such a thing consists of, don't get the game distorted. Like I said in the beginning, just vagueries of perception brought forth by your own dulling of the senses over time to find harmony and magic with your partner. Nothing more.
I just had to point that out to all of you with your head in the clouds. Being a romantic is fine, but there's others of you I read about here who need serious help with interpretation of such things. Get a clue, you're only setting yourself up for major disappointment if you think there's even the slightest bit of magic or greater powers at work here. I transcend reality to the best of my ability, and I think many people often get that confused with these dillusions of grandjeur you all talk so much about, hehe. Thank you.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009 at 6:39PM 
Left to right: Louie Can't Lose, Danny Darko, and Nick Natural (with headphones)
